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23 March 2006 @ 07:23 pm
Second Chances  
I’ve waited for this day for over three years. As soon as Padma broke up with me, I made a terrible mistake. In my foolishness, I thought making her jealous would be the way to show her the error of her ways. All I succeeded in doing was making her angry and pushing her away. It’s taken nearly four years to get back to this point. Mistakes were made, but it’s all in the past now.

Were it not for Lisa these past few years, I’m not sure I would have made it to this point. She’s definitely a better friend than I deserved. Ours was a physical relationship; at the time I used her to salve my pain. I’m ashamed to admit I took advantage of her feelings. In the end all I did was drive Padma further away, destroy their friendship, and wound the heart of someone that deserved better.

Lisa is wonderfully forgiving. It took some time, but now I can honestly say we are close friends, in fact she is my best friend nowadays. I just hope that somehow I can repair the friendship Padma and Lisa had. I don’t want to have to choose between my best friend and the woman I love.

Padma. My Padma. She’s back from Egypt to stay and now we’re together again. Things are different, but it is inevitable that it will take time for us to get to know one another again. In the end things will be right. Now that Padma is back in my life I can be patient and allow things to develop as they may.

I’m a bit nervous though. Padma and I have already fought. It’s not my fault, though. I didn’t want to go out with her friends, and I couldn’t force myself to have fun in a situation I was uncomfortable in. I’ve never been much for going out and drinking, so I’m dismayed that Padma is. I can’t reconcile the quiet girl who loved to argue about books enjoying the taverns. Maybe her time in Egypt has changed her; maybe her friends are bad influences. I’m not against having a pint after a hard day at work, but there is no excuse to get belligerent and pass out on the floor. It isn’t responsible and it isn’t proper. The Padma I knew would never be involved in it.

We’ve postponed dinner to this Friday. I’m determined that it will go better and the extra time has been used well. Lisa was kind enough to help me plan out the evening despite her reservations. She isn’t sure that being with Padma again is the best for me, but she wants me to be happy.

I know being with Padma is right for me. All it takes is one look and my insides melt. Not everyone is given a second chance, but I have one and I’m determined not to screw it up. Now that Padma is back in my life, everything else will work itself out.
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